Why Me?: The Lina Chronicles
by aliccolo
Summary: Quatre and Trowa find a baby on their door step and have to decide what to do with her. This fic chronicles this character's life. I find it humourous, but maybe that's just me. . . . :) R&R please!
1. Discovery

Disclaimer~ Senzu Bean owns nothing, not a house, not a car, not even the computer this was written on. I don't own GW either. Please do not sue me. You might get a nickel. Thank you and enjoy!  
  
Summary~ Quatre and Trowa find a baby and don't know what to do with her....  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
DING DONG!!!  
  
Quatre R. Winner jumped at the sound of the doorbell. Who would be visiting at this hour? He quickly pulled on a pair of pants and quietly crept out of the bedroom. Outside it was pouring rain. Quatre tip toed down the huge flight of stairs.   
  
The tile floor felt cool against the bottom of his feet. He slowly open the door and saw no one. Just a prank, he thought.   
  
Quatre started to close the door. He looked down and saw a tiny basket with a towel over it. Attached to the basket was a note. He quickly picked up the basket a brought it inside. To his surprise, the basket moved and started to cry. Startled, Quatre pulled back the towel to find a little baby.  
  
"Oh my . . . . !!" Quatre screamed before he fainted.  
  
Trowa Barton woke up when he heard someone scream. He dashed downstairs where he found Quatre passed out on the sofa holding a small basket.  
  
"Quatre?! Quatre!? Are you okay?! What happened, Quatre!?"  
  
Trowa shook Quatre and even checked his vital signs. A moment later, Quatre was awake and functioning. "Trowa, did you see it?"  
  
With a puzzled look on his face, Trowa shook his head. "See what, Quatre?"  
  
"The baby."  
  
"What baby, Quatre . . . . . where did this come from?"  
  
Trowa picked up the basket and pulled back the towel. "A . . . baby?! Where did you find it, Quatre?"  
  
"It was on the doorstep. There was a note with it . . ." Quatre picked up the note and began to read, "To whoever finds this. Please take care of my daughter for me. I am too poor to have a child and I know you can give her a better life. Thank you."  
  
Trowa rocked the baby in his arms. "What are we gonna do, Quatre? We can't have a baby."  
  
Quatre sat down beside Trowa. "Why can't we keep her? She's so cute! Coochie-coo!"  
  
"Do you know what the other guys would say?"  
  
"But Trowa! Maybe the others would help us. Please?!"  
  
" . . . . ."  
  
Quatre hit Trowa on the head, "Trowa!! Please!!"  
  
"Ow. I guess . . ."  
  
Quatre's eyes got big. "Oh, Trowa! I love you! Thank you! Oh, this will be so much fun!" 


	2. What's In A Name and Helpful Hints

CHAPTER 2  
  
Duo Maxwell stuffed another cheesy puffy into his mouth. He looked at the four other boys sitting at the coffee table. "Let me get this straight, you have adopted a child? I don't believe this! What were you thinking? That kid will be screwed up for life!"  
  
Quatre nodded, "Yes, she was left on our doorstep. We just couldn't leave her out there, all alone in this cruel world."  
  
"And she won't be screwed up, 'cause you are all gonna help us.", Trowa added.  
  
Three jaws dropped practically to the floor. "No way am I gonna help you and your gay parenting problems! No chance in hell!" Wufei Chang snorted.  
  
Heero Yuy raised one eyebrow, "Yeah, you got yourselves into it, so you can do it by yourselves!"  
  
Duo choaked on a cheesy puffy.  
  
Quatre looked at Trowa and shook his head. "Maybe this will convince you!" He walked out of the room and returned with the baby, who was now clean and dressed in frilly pink.  
  
The boys all leaned toward the baby. Almost instantly, their hearts melted.  
  
"Ooo! Heero, she's so cute! Oh, I'll help you, Quatre!" Duo squealed.  
  
Heero looked at the sleeping child and grunted. "What's her name?"  
  
Quatre and Trowa exchanged a glance. "We haven't named her yet.", Quatre explained, "We were hoping you guys would help us . . ."  
  
"Name her Nataku!"  
  
"NO!!!" the four others yelled at Wufei.  
  
"Gee, it was just a suggestion . . ."  
  
Duo looked at the baby and scratched his head. "You know, she reminds me of Relena . . ."  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Heero moved to where Duo was sitting to see if he could see the resemblance.  
  
Quatre snapped his finger, "That's it! We should call her Lina!"  
  
The boys debated over names for several hours before coming to a conclusion. Lina. It was the perfect name for her. It was childish, yet strangely sophisticated. Her full name would be Lina Keiki Barton Winner. But just Lina for short.  
  
"Lina! Hello, pretty baby!", Duo cooed.  
  
"Durb! . . . Ped no foo!" Lina hit Duo over the head with her rattle.  
  
"Smart baby." Heero sniffed. "What is that smell?"  
  
"Ew! Dirty diaper! Lordes, come and change Lina's diaper." Quatre ordered.  
  
Lordes was a pretty, young Iraqi housemaid. She scurried in and took Lina to the diaper room to change her. "There you are, Lina. Quatre-sama will be very pleased!"  
  
Lina and Lordes returned once again. Lordes placed Lina in her playpen and left the parlor. Lina squirmed in her playpen and began to cry. The boys all jumped up to see what was wrong.  
  
Trowa turned to his partner. "Um, Quatre, what do we do now?"  
  
Quatre stared back at Trowa, "Don't ask me. Maybe she is hungry? Lordes, come feed Lina!"  
  
Again, Quatre's faithful maid came in and took care of Lina. Lina ate her baby mush and soon fell asleep. "Quatre-sama," Lordes began, "You and the guests should maybe take baby care classes. They are quite helpful."  
Lordes promptly left the room. 


	3. Do As The French Do

CHAPTER 3  
  
" . . . and that's why I don't like to bring up the subject.", Quatre explained patiently. "Do you understand, Lina?"  
  
"Hai, Papa." Lina mumbled. The sandy blonde haired girl look down at her feet. She thought for a moment. If Papa didn't like the idea of her getting a tattoo, then maybe Daddy wouldn't mind. Her fathers were like that. They disagreed on everything when it came to Lina. "May I please be excused, Papa?"  
  
Quatre smiled at his daughter. She was nearly 10. The years went by in a flash and she was a beautiful young girl. She needs a mother, he thought. He and Trowa and the boys just couldn't do it alone anymore. "Uh, of course, Lina."  
  
Lina sulked out of the tea parlor. She searched the halls for Daddy. Daddy can't be too far away, she thought. Papa and Daddy were never too far apart. Daddy was awfully over protective of Papa, and vice versa.  
  
"Daddy?! Daddy-san!?" Lina looked in all his usual hiding spots. She was victorious! Trowa was practicing his flute in the conservatory. Lina bowed silently, "Kon'nichiwa, Daddy!"  
  
Trowa looked up from his music, "Oh! Lina-chan! Come in!" He kissed his daughter on the cheek. "Did you need something, Lina?"  
  
Lina giggled. If Papa spoiled her, Daddy spoiled her rotten. "Oh, I was just thinking . . .about art . . ."  
  
Trowa's jaw dropped, "You like art? Since when?!"  
  
Daddy could be very stupid sometimes.  
  
"Not really, but I enjoy body art . . .and tattoos . . ."  
  
". . . . ."  
  
"And I've decided to get a tattoo!" Lina waited for Trowa's response.  
  
Trowa pondered the idea for a moment, " 'K."  
  
Her eyes got big and her famous little grin appeared. She ran up to hug Trowa, "Oh, Daddy! Domo!! Oh! Arigatoo! I love you so much!"  
  
" . . . . ."  
  
Lina skipped out of the room feeling very lucky. Soon she would be just like the hottest new singing group, Femme`. She idolized the five women in the group, Audrey, Mae, Celestia, Myra and Nancy. Not only were they ultra snazzy, but they were French and totally glamorous!  
  
She sat down on her bed and stared at all the Femme` posters on her walls. Someday I will be famous like them!, she thought. I'll be pretty and tall and have good career agents! Lina sighed and smiled. Tomorrow I will be just like Celestia! Hee hee! 


	4. I Have Found a Mutilation!

CHAPTER 4  
  
DING DONG!!!  
  
Quatre looked up from his romance novel, "Get the door, Lordes." He returned to the powerful love tale when Lina entered the room. It was raining outside.  
  
"Good evening, Papa. I forgot my key in my room. I'm tired so I'll just go to bed now . . ."  
  
Without looking up, Quatre inquired his daughter, "What did you do, Lina?!"  
  
Lina blushed and looked at her feet, "Nothing, Papa. N-nothing at all . . ."  
  
"Lordes, do a full body search on Lina. I want the results, a.s.a.p.!"  
  
Quatre's faithful maid grabbed Lina by the arm and headed for the child's bedroom. Lina let out a small yelp of pain, but followed her father's direction. Lordes searched Lina until she found what she was looking for. "Ah-ha!! Quatre-sama!! I have found a mutilation!"  
  
Quatre rushed in to see a small butterfly on the base of Lina's spine. "Lina!!! What did I say about tattoos!!?? I said no!!"  
  
"Papa-san!! Daddy said I could!! He said " 'K."! Daddy said I could!! He even helped me choose a design!"  
  
Quatre's eyes widened in horror, "WHAT!!!! TROWA!!!!"  
  
Trowa stumbled into Lina's room, "Yeah?"  
  
"You told Lina she could get a tattoo?! I can't believe you did that! She's only nine, Trowa! She isn't old enough for a tattoo!"  
  
"I think she's old enough for a tattoo! She and I both like the tattoo! So you can just stop making a big deal over everything!"  
  
All the yelling caused Heero, Duo and Wufei to emerge from their respective bedrooms.  
  
"What is going on in here?", Duo asked drowsily.  
  
Quatre pointed to Trowa, "He let Lina get a tattoo!! Lina is only nine years old! She is not old enough to decide that she wants a tattoo! Plus she'll look really stupid when . . ."  
  
"Quatre, Trowa! If you two are gonna fight, don't do it front of Lina-chan! She doesn't need to see this!"  
  
The two quarreling men looked at Wufei who too was losing his temper. Quatre and Trowa stomped out of Lina's room and headed for their bed room. Trowa slammed the door and more yelling could be heard, only it was more muffled.   
  
Heero shook his head. "I have never seen Quatre get so angry! Man . . ."  
  
Lordes excused herself and ran down stairs. Duo ran to Lina's side, "Oh, Lina! Are you okay?!"  
  
Lina pulled her shirt down and buried her face in Duo's shoulder. "Oh, I didn't do anything wrong, did I?!"  
  
Duo put his arms around Lina and looked at the other boys. "Of course you didn't Lina-chan. Trowa and Quatre just need to blow off some steam, that's all." 


	5. The Only Sane People

CHAPTER 5  
  
  
Quatre poured more tea into Trowa's cup. "Well, what did you think of that one?"  
  
Trowa shook his head, "They're too phony there. And the head mistress is extremely rude. We won't want to subject Lina to such a bad example."  
  
Quatre paused and nodded, "I agree with you. She needs a polite woman to teach her."  
  
"But Quatre!! You're so feminine, she probably can't tell the difference between you and a woman!"  
  
Trowa and Quatre turned to see Wufei standing in the door way.   
  
"Kon'nichiwa, Wufei-san! What brings you here?"  
  
Wufei thought for a minute, "Uh, tea."   
  
Quatre pulled a chair up to the coffee table. "Please have a seat. We were just discussing how we should educate Lina-chan. You seem to know a lot on the subject, so . . . "  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?", Wufei demanded as he sat down and poured some tea into a cup.  
  
"Well, you've taught Lina so much already, maybe you have some suggestions. We aren't sure what kind of school would be best for her."  
  
Wufei grunted, "Well, what choices have you eliminated already?"  
  
"We don't think we should teach her at home anymore because she really needs to meet some kids her own age. And all the private schools we've looked at seem stuffy and proper." Trowa replied.  
  
"Hmmm . . . have you considered a public school?"  
  
Quatre looked startled. "Wow. No, we haven't even thought of it. You know, that's a pretty good idea! What do you think, Trowa?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
Quatre jumped up, "I guess it's settled then! Lina-chan will go to public school! Thank you for helping us, Wufei-san," he turned to Trowa, "See how nice it is to have someone like Wufei around!"  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes and left the room. Something is very wrong with the people in this house, he thought. I think Lina-chan and I are the only sane people left! 


	6. New School, New Beginnings

CHAPTER 6  
  
Lina sat in the school office patiently waiting for her schedule to print out. This was the fourth school she was trying out. The portly old secretary waddled over to Lina. "Okay now, you arrived late, so we're in third hour right now. So you'll be going to biology class now. I'll walk you down to your class."  
  
Lina stood up and tugged her skirt down. She was now quite tall, 5'8", taller than everyone else in her house. Her wispy honey blonde hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and her bright emerald colored eyes looked tired and sad. She wore a Bohemian style shirt, large clunky combat boots and a long pleated skirt. Lina did not want to go to public school. She just knew something bad would happen.  
  
She stumbled along after the secretary. Her boots made a stomping noise every time she moved. And after walking for what seemed to be an eternity, the secretary finally stopped. "This is the classroom, Lina. I'll tell the teacher."  
  
The secretary went into the classroom and emerged a moment later with a tall, fat man. He had a grizzly gray beard and big thick glasses. "Hello there, I'm Mr. Martin. I will be your biology teacher. What's your name?"  
  
"Lina Barton Winner."  
  
"Alrighty then! Just come on in!"  
  
Lina followed Mr. Martin into the room. She looked at the students staring at her. She gulped. Poor Lina happened to be very shy around new people. Mr. Martin took her to the front of the room. "Class we have a new student today. Her name is Lina Barton Winner. Please try to make her feel at home. Lina, would you like to tell us about yourself while I get some supplies from across the school?"  
  
"O . . .kay?" Lina blinked and thought of something to share, "Uh, I live with my three uncles. And my fathers."  
  
Several students began to whisper. One smart ass spoke up, "Did you say "fathers"?"  
  
Lina nodded, "Uh-huh." She didn't know why that was such a big deal.  
  
The same smart ass prodded even deeper, "You mean a step dad, right?"  
  
"No . . ."  
  
"What do you mean then?"  
  
"Their my dads. They raised me together. They love me and they love each other."  
  
A prissy looking girl shrieked in laughter, "You mean they're GAY?!"  
  
The entire classroom erupted into laughter, all except Lina and one other girl. The girl looked at Lina and smiled sympathetically. Lina looked at the students in wonder.  
  
"Excuse me," she said, "what does gay mean?"  
  
The entire class dropped their jaws and stared at Lina in shock. The prissy girl stood up, "It means they're a . . . hee hee . . . a couple! Ha ha ha ha!"  
The class started laughing again.  
  
"Well, then I guess they are gay. I guess that mean Uncle Duo and Uncle Heero are gay too!" Lina chirped happily.  
  
That statement caused even more laughter and mocking. Lina just looked at them, puzzled. Why are they laughing?, she wondered, There is nothing wrong with them being together. It makes them happy! Lina got very angry.  
  
"Why are you laughing? There is nothing wrong with them! They love each other and that's all that matters!" Lina said trying not to scream.  
  
Some of the laughing died down for a moment. Lina stared at their cold, taunting eyes. What are you gonna do about it?, the eyes seemed to say. You are a sick person! Your family is sick! We hate sick people! We hate you! Lina screamed at the top of her lungs, "I am not sick! And neither are they!"  
  
The smart ass approached Lina, "You are sick! You live with a bunch of fags and they are sick! And you are probably a fag too!" he spit on Lina's shoes.  
  
Lina could take the spit on her shoes and being called a fag herself, but no one called her family a bunch of fags! No one! "I'll kill you!!" Lina pounced on the boy and dragged him to the floor. She sat on his chest and delivered five hard punches to his nose and eyes. After that was done, Lina kicked him in the stomach and groin. She then kicked his face and the back of his head.  
  
The kids screamed and chanted harsh words at Lina. She punched the prissy girl in the mouth. Lina headed for the classroom door. Just as she turned the doorknob, Mr. Martin entered the room.  
  
"What in the world is going on here? Miss Winner, if you had anything to do with this, I'll suspend you!"  
  
Lina pushed her way passed Mr. Martin and left the school. She headed across the street to a small 7 Eleven. She bought a soda and put a coin in the pay phone. She dialed up the number that she had never had to dial before. 


	7. The Truth, As Told By A 13 Year Old

CHAPTER 7  
  
RING! RING! RING!  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Lina swallowed the tears that were about to come. "Hey, Duo. This is Lina."  
  
Duo paused for a moment, "Lina-chan? Hey! What is it? Do you need something?"  
  
Lina started to whimper and then began to sob, "Can . . . . you come get me? Please?"  
  
"What's wrong? Did something happen? Don't worry, Heero and I will be right there!" Duo replied in a worried voice, "Where are you, Lina-chan?"  
  
"The 7 Eleven across from the school. Please hurry. I'll be sitting by the ice box." Lina tried her best not to cry, "Good bye."  
  
"Bye, Lina, we'll be there in about five minutes."  
  
Lina slammed the phone down and crawled across the floor to the ice box. She buried her face in her arms and began to cry even harder. She tried to dry her eyes, but it was no use. She bought an ice cream bar and ate it quickly. She sat back on the dirty tile floor and sulked for a few moments.  
  
Duo and Heero walked into the store and headed for the ice box. Lina looked up at them, "Hi."  
  
Heero helped Lina off the floor and they headed for the car. She was silent the whole ride home. She'd only answer Duo's questions with a nod, a shrug, or the shake of her head. Lina thought about what had happened in the classroom. She suddenly found herself in tears again.  
  
"What's wrong, Lina?" Heero asked her as he helped her out of the car.  
  
She shook her head and cried even harder. "I . . . . no, nothing."  
  
The three of them entered the house. Lordes took Lina's coat and noticed that there was dried blood on her hands. "Miss Lina! Look at the blood! What has happened?"  
  
Heero looked at Lina's hands. "It's blood alright. Did you cut yourself, Lina?"  
  
"No."  
  
Duo looked at her, "Then what did you do?"  
  
"I beat some kid up."  
  
Three jaws dropped to the floor. Three sets of eyes got huge. Lina would never hurt a flea. She loved everyone and everything. Something must have really made her mad.  
  
Lordes covered her eyes, "Miss Lina! You are joking, right? You didn't really . . . . did you?"  
  
Lina nodded, ashamed.  
  
"Why, Lina?" Heero asked in a surprised voice.   
  
Lina began to cry, "They . . . . they made fun of . . . . you guys . . . . and Daddy and Papa!" she fell to the floor.  
  
Duo scratched his head, "Why would they make fun of us? They've never even met us!"  
  
" 'Cause you're . . . . ga . . .you and Heero . . . . are . . . ." Lina cried in a muffled voice.  
  
Lordes knelt down to Lina. She patted her on the back and gave her a hug. "Miss Lina, please go on. Why did they make fun of our guests?"  
  
Lina gulped and stood up. She brushed her bangs out of her eyes and straightened her skirt out. She needed to tell them. This was something they had to know.  
  
"Okay. They made fun of you because you're gay!"  
  
Heero and Duo looked at Lina, then at each other. They both turned bright red. Heero sat down on the sofa and looked away. Duo just stood in shock.  
  
"Wha . . . what did you say, Lina-chan?" Duo stuttered.  
  
"You are gay, Duo! You and Heero are gay!"  
  
Heero stood up and walked over to Lina, "How do you know this?"  
  
Lina tried her best not to crack a smile. She went back through her memory of all the times she had "accidently" caught them. "I have my ways."  
  
The two men turned red again. "Shh! Don't you dare say a word then, Lina-chan! Or you either, Lordes. I'll personally kill you if this gets out!", Heero hissed. Duo grabbed his shoulder to calm him down.   
  
"Lina, Trowa and Quatre are gonna be so mad at you! You've gone through so many schools already! Something has to be done!" Duo scolded.  
  
Lordes held Lina's arm. "Dear, let's get you into a bath before Quatre-sama and Mr. Trowa return from their trip tonight. I'll get the bath running and you can stay here. Listen for me to call, Miss Lina!"  
  
Lina looked at her uncles. "I'll never say anything, Heero. I promise. But everyone knows already, so what would be the point of me saying anything?"  
  
Heero's eyes widened and he ran toward Lina, "Why you!" He chased Lina around the living room. "When I catch you . . ."  
  
Lina ran faster than Heero and escaped to the bathroom, "You can't get me in here! Ha ha ha ha!" 


	8. Who Taught Her To Fight Like That Anyway...

CHAPTER 8  
  
It was late evening by the time Quatre and Trowa arrived home from sopping at the mall. They'd spent tons of money on new clothes for Lina to wear to her new school. Quatre was especially excited over a cute blue sweater set he'd found on sale. He couldn't wait for Lina to wear it.  
  
"Do you think she'll like it?" he asked for the twentieth time as Trowa pulled the car into the driveway.  
  
Trowa sighed, "Quatre, you've asked me that about seven hundred times. I'm sure she'll like it. Now, help me unload the bags."  
  
Duo, Heero, and Lina were sitting solemnly in the living room when Quatre happily burst in. Lordes rushed over, taking the seven bags from Quatre and wrangling them toward the stairs. Trowa followed Lordes, carrying nine bags of his own.  
  
"You would not believe the cute outfits we got!" Quatre chirped happily. "There was a sale on sweater sets, so I . . . ." he trailed off noticing the expectant expression on Lina's face. "Lina-chan . . . what's wrong?"  
  
Lina glanced up, then quickly reverted her eyes to the floor.  
  
Quatre looked to Duo help. Duo shrugged. Heero punched Duo on the arm. Duo hissed in pain. Quatre cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Lina, sweetie, what's wrong?"  
  
Lina shook her head and continued staring at the oriental carpet.  
  
"Lina . . ." Quatre coaxed.  
  
"Heero!" Lina looked pleadingly at her uncle. "I can't tell him! I-I just can't!"  
  
"Tell me what?" Quatre said quizzically.  
  
Heero drew in a long breath and looked to Duo. Duo pulled his legs up to his chest and just looked back at Heero. It was obvious Duo was playing dumb. Heero growled as he exhaled, shaking his head. "Quatre, sit down."  
  
Quatre looked puzzled, but complied, "What happened today?"  
  
Heero sighed again, "Lina got into a fight and is suspended from her new school. And I won't let her go back. I've decided that I will teach her myself. That way the events of today won't be repeated. Lina's first lesson was the lesson of keeping her mouth shut." Heero looked directly at Lina with those last words. She flushed and looked back at her feet.  
  
Quatre looked flabbergasted. "SUSPENDED?!?! HOW?!?! WHY?!?!"  
  
No one responded. Quatre stood up and paced the room, yanking at his hair. He looked up at the ceiling, "How Allah? How did this happen? Lina is such a gentle, quiet creature! Why are you changing her like this!"  
  
Trowa reentered the room. He looked at Quatre, who was muttering and speaking words he'd never heard Quatre speak before. "Quatre?! What's wrong?"  
  
"Lina . . . . suspended . . . .Heero teaching . . . .why? WHY!!!!!" Quatre left the room, muttering something about needed some really strong tea.  
  
Trowa turned to Lina, "You got suspended?"  
  
Lina nodded, her eyes started to water.  
  
"But. . . . why?"  
  
"They were making fun of you." Lina forced herself to say.  
  
"What do you mean?" Trowa said as he sat down next to Lina.  
  
"They were calling you guys names . . . ." she said as the first tears fell from her eyes.  
  
"Tell the what they said, Lina." Heero coaxed.  
  
Lina sighed and swallowed her tears. "TheycalledyoufagsandsoIpunchedaguyandthenIranawayandDuopickedmeupandIcamehome."   
  
Somehow Trowa caught every word. He inhaled calmly and left the room. The others looked a each other, unsure of how to interpret Trowa's reaction, or lack there of.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with them?"  
  
They all looked to the doorway, where Wufei was standing, looking thoroughly confused.  
  
Duo shrugged and smiled weakly. Lina wiped the tears from her eyes and sat up straight. Heero looked over the other two coolly and said with a smirk, "Lina got into a fight today. Apparently, she broke a kid's nose."  
  
Wufei looked impressed. "Well, Lina, I'm glad you finally got to practice your self defense technique. I can teach you some more techniques if you'd like." 


End file.
